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Seven tips for creating the perfect online dating profile
By The Associated Press
It’s that time of year when roses seem to bloom from the concrete, chocolate hearts rain from the sky, and amorous couples clog every street corner.
February can be a hard month to be single.
If Cupid keeps passing you by, maybe it’s time to join the legions heading to dating Web sites — or, if you’ve already been there-done that, brush the cobwebs off your profile and give it another shot.
But don’t wade into the digital dating pool uneducated. With tens of millions of people looking for love online, you’ve got to work doubly hard to stand out.
“Think of it as going to a party,” Jesse Keller said. She’s president of Personals Trainer, a Web site that helps online daters. “If you have a great profile, it’s like being the life of the party. But most profiles are like the guy wearing the same outfit as everyone else, standing alone in the corner, murmuring monosyllabic answers.”
Don’t be that guy. Here are seven tips for men and women from experts who help lonely-hearts craft the perfect profile.
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DON’T KILL THEM WITH ADJECTIVES
Sift through a dating site, and you’ll find unending lists of adjectives: smart, kind, funny, adventurous, honest, caring… Why not just include uncreative, cliched and boring?
Ditch the list. Make your new mantra that old writing maxim: Show, don’t tell.
“Don’t tell me you’re athletic — tell me about the marathon you just ran,” Eric Resnick, founder of Profilehelper.com, said. Don’t say you like to travel — talk about your trip to the Great Wall of China.
Avoid the robot-filling-in-a-survey voice and go for a tone that’s more natural and personal.
Keller recommended something he called “The Next-door Neighbor Test,” which he said almost everyone fails.
“Read your profile and pretend it was written by your neighbor. If it looks like it could just as easily be his, then it’s not a good profile,” he said.
It’s also a good idea to survey the competition. Look at the profiles of other people in your demographic, and make sure you’re different.
Even though starry-eyed suitors might say it’s what’s on the inside that counts, don’t fool yourself: Your photo is perhaps the most important element of your profile.
Experts have a couple of strict rules. For men: “I don’t care how well-built you are, keep your shirt on,” Resnick said. “Women are laughing at you.”
For women: “No bikini shots. And if you’re going to put up a bikini picture, don’t be surprised if you get a lot of e-mails from guys you don’t want to meet,” Resnick said.
Avoid wearing sunglasses and hats, which can make it look as if you’ve got something to hide.
Dark, brooding shots usually aren’t a good way to go, either.
“Smile,” Resnick advised. “People try the serious shot because they want to seem professional, but you want to look like someone people would want to spend time with. People like happy people.”
Another tip: Don’t post too many bar shots with drinks in your hands, or multiple shots of yourself wearing the same clothes.
Be careful about cropping out other people from your pictures. Your ex’s disembodied hand hanging around your shoulder does not send the right message.
“It’s a lot like going to a video store,” Keller said. “People walk through the aisle and when they see a cover that looks interesting, they flip it over and read the back. On dating sites, the photos are the cover and the profiles are the back.”
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STAY OUT OF THE PAST
Nobody wants to hear how your ex-girlfriend cheated on you or your ex-husband was such a bore. Would you want to spend time with someone hung up on somebody else?
Another warning sign: People who keep mentioning the importance of “honesty.”
“All it does is make it sound like you were lied to and aren’t over it,” Resnick said. “And don’t ask for monogamy — it’s expected.”
A better approach is to talk about the present — what you’ve done recently, what makes you happy, what interests you — and the future — countries you hope to visit, books you hope to write, extravagant meals you plan to cook.
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DON’T TRY TO BE A COMEDIAN
“Baby, you must be tired because you’ve been running through my dreams all night.”
Nothing can cause prospective paramours to cringe like a string of bad jokes.
“Don’t say `I’m going to write a funny profile,’ because you’re going to end up sounding like you tried to write a funny profile,” Resnick said. “You just want to be yourself.”
It’s OK to make jokes, but don’t treat your personal ad as an open-mic night. Firing off one-liners is a way to hide, not a good way to introduce yourself.
That doesn’t mean you should be stiff and serious, though. Tell a funny anecdote, talk about a quirky movie, show you can laugh at yourself.
Self-deprecating jokes can work, but don’t go overboard — if you call yourself an idiot, nobody will have any reason to doubt you.
“Don’t force it,” says Resnick. “If you’re not the class clown, you’re not going to have a funny profile.”
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THIS IS NOT YOUR DIARY
Honesty is important, but don’t treat your dating service as a confessional. It’s a delicate balance between sounding genuine and venting.
“Don’t say that you want to settle down and have four children and get away from your alcoholic parents and your awful upbringing,” Susan Fox, owner of Personals Work, said.
Resnick said you should think of your personal ad as your movie trailer, not your movie.
“It’s a 30-second snippet that makes people want to buy a ticket to the film,” he said.
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DON’T FUDGE THE TRUTH
Lying will get you nowhere. If the hope is to meet your online crushes in the flesh, then those slight exaggerations will loom large. Keller said women tend to lie about their age and their weight, and men tend to lie about their height and their income.
“They’re going to quickly see if you weren’t being truthful and they’re going to wonder what else you’re not being truthful about,” Keller said.
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ROLL UP THE SLEEVES AND GET TO WORK
Posting a good personal ad is only half the battle. The other half is scrolling through the ads to find someone you like.
“Don’t just sit back and wait to be found,” Fox said. “Perseverance is really important here. It’s a process that works, but you have to stick with it.”
When you do find people you like, don’t be shy. Contact them, tell them you’re interested, and then let your well-crafted witticisms and cute pictures reel them in.
We have become a tip happy world–five tips for better living, ten tips for saving for retirement, etc. Corra loves these tips as much as the next person. The tips in this article are certainly good ones and unique in some cases.
Perhaps the one tip that should be mentioned is to run background checks on the person you re thinking about dating, seriously. It is nice that he cares about you, loves your kids and dog, and he owns a ranch, a summer house and a million dollar business. But make sure it is really the case. Be sure he is who he really says who he is.
This is especially true for online daters, where predators lurk in different guises, trying to steal your identity, your money, your pride, and worse. If you are a single parent, be sure who it is you are bringing home to meet your children. It also wouldn’t hurt to know if someone is violent or not.
So check them out by running a criminal report and possibly a comprehensive background report. Our statewide and nationwide criminal database searches will tell you if someone is on the sexual offender’s registry.
So have fun, it is Valentine’s Day. Have a heart, enjoy your life. But check them out before you let them into your lives.
