Sun, January 1st, 2006 - 10:57 pm - By Gordon Basichis
We recently saw an article on Corante most notable online dating blog, where writer, Dave Evans, proffered how the singles online dating sites would become more dynamic if they offered interactive opportunities. We are quoting Dave Evans from his intial article, about a new online dating service, called Vivox and some additional followup comments.
After a few months the online dating experience is getting tired. That’s why the average subscription length is 3 months. The initial thrill in on the wane. Besides the emotional exhaustion, there is nothing to do at most dating site besides stare at profiles.
No wonder less than one half of all singles uses online dating sites in the US….
What if you had more options for interacting with people on a dating site? What if dating became more like social networking?…
Dating sites don’t let people create enough custom content. A few tests and a paragraph about yourself aren’t enough anymore…
My point with Vivox is that they are creating new ways for people to communicate, new models of social interaction, and to some extent, create their own content. That is what has the power to bring online dating to the next level. It’s not the technology, in fact, I dislike the idea of yet another chat client, it’s that people will have new ways to connect with each other.
Since we really haven’t explored much on Vivox’s site, we can only assume they are bringing a new dynamic to online dating. What we are most concerned with are Dave Evan’s comments, which we believe articulate a certain problem with online dating. Sooner or later, online dating will actually mimic real life and the best way, usually, for couples to get to know each other is through greater interactivity. We believe greater interactivity in any form helps demonstrate a deeper vision of character and personality. It provides the necessary communications channels for intelligence, wit and sensitivity, and assists in giving each person a much better sense of their potential paramour.
This became relevant to us especially when a long time female friend of ours entered the world of online dating. She had been married fot twenty years and widowed for two. She finally decided to get her proverbial feet wet by joining one of the more reputable and notable online dating sites. Being a professional woman with a fair number of material assets, her own business, a child and a lot to lose in a bad relationship, her initial posting was fairly circumspect. Not a lot of self promotion and certainly no indication of the sexual yearnings she felt.
More than eighty men and several women responded to her initial posting. She was overwhelmed. Even after she dismissed the women urging her to try something new, another woman, and the younger men offering hours of boundless sex, she still found a dozen or so prospects she had weeded out from the pile. She dated a few. Being well read, highly articulate and most sophisticated, she put up with dull conversations, terrible hair pieces, garish fashion styles and crude offerings, along with fabrications about self and career and outright lies, before deciding to drop her membership and allow friends to fix her up with people they know. She discovered quickly that there were many men out there who would neither talk or walk a straight line.
The point is, had the online dating service provided more channels for interactivity, she wouldn’t have wasted a great deal of precious time. Had their been more room for an interchange and for greater expression, she would have been subjected less to the frustration of half dozen bad dates and been able to confront the greater realities of what was lurking out in the world. In the one case where she agreed to run a background check she discovered that the latest Mr. Wonderful wasn’t as financially solvent as he first let on. In fact, given his recent financial history it was safe to assume he was looking for for a merger or loan than for actual romance. One more case of a guy in a flashy car paying cash for dinner because his credit cards were maxed out.
So we refer you once again to David Edward’s comments and offer our own that internet dating is ultimately the same as the “brick and mortar version.” Quite simply, the more opportunities you have for communication, and the more you do so, then the better chance you have to really get to no some one. For good or for bad. And always remember: no matter how well you think you know someone, or how highly your friends recommend him, he is the stranger you are letting into your house. He will be close to your wallet and close to your kids. So check him out before you date him.