Corra Daily Planet » 2006 » January

Questing for a Soul Mate: It’s tough work

Wed, January 25th, 2006 - 3:31 am - By Gordon Basichis

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We recently found this article, “Seven Amazing Steps to Finding Your Soulmate,” by Ida Home. Here are some of the excerpts and, naturally, our comments–

1. The first you have to do is being honest with yourself, knowing who you are and what you are about. This issue tightly depends on your selfesteem, so work it out at this instant, always keep in mind a good image of yourself, this is the essence of being ready for your love!

2. Remember that unless you are ready to meet the love of your life, it won’t come for you, because everything depends on how much you want it to happen. Wise men say that when you really want something, the whole Universe rearanges itself for making your wish come true.

3. After you take a good look at yourself, hear what Mother Nature whispers in your ear about looking for someone of certain looks and physical features that suits you best. Did you know that soulmates almost look like one another? That soulmates may be so very different in appearance but still so alike?

4. I can hear some of you saying that things are as difficult as easy they seem to be, because matching is a complex scenario… Concentrate on the solution of the matter not on the issue itself, do your part of the job faithfully and do not worry.

5. Obviously that none of us wants to become haunted, obsessed by an ideal of love that never shows up, right? That’s why you have to cut the belt, free your mind of your desire (which has already put to work the invisible engines of the Universe, believe it or not !) and do your usual stuff.

6. And here comes the tough part: waiting! Wait for a while and let the Nature action for how long as it takes. Take into account that you have already helped Nature with your faith and your strong action.

7. Finally , let me share a secret with you: don’t to tell anyone you are about to meet your soulmate. The deepest desires must not be shared until they come true.

It seems anymore that nothing is left to chance. There has to be a rule and guide for everything. Even the mysterious forces of fate and circumstances, have to be hooked up to guidlines that if practiced should lead to success. No they won’t. Because much of finding your soul mate is not a matter for game theory, but a game of charm, chance and, frankly, luck. I don’t blame the author for developing these guidlines, because in this day and age the need for instant gratification is inversely proportional to the understanding of timing and patience.

My experience with soul mates is that most met by accident. It was more a matter of surprise than cosmic recognition they had found the one, at last. They never expected the universe to rearrange itself to accomodate their quest for somebody to love. The universe, instead, presented somebody to love and gave them a choice–love them or let the opportunity slip on by. The universe is strange that way. It is better to go with its flow than try to engineer it. As for these soul mates looking like each other–sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. In the overall, people look more like their dogs than they look like their mates. From the get-go people are attracted to dogs that look like them. People are not always attracted to mates that bear their resemblance. It’s rare that a homely somebody deliberately chases a homely somebody else. Sometime we just amortize the overall package and take the good with the not so good. Yes, of course their is chemistry between compatible people. And it is a fact that couples pick up the traits and mannerisms of one another, but that is over time. But that doesn’t make you soul mates, necessarily. If you are picking up your mate’s habits, that may be accountable to anything from a weak personality to a bad case of the “cutesies.” It can be fetching, or it may be repugnant, depending on the habits you adopt. Then again, if you are picking up you dog’s traits, you shouldn’t be out in polite society.

The author is correct in suggesting you become neither haunted nor obsessed and you keep to yourself the fact that you are preparing to meet your soul mate. I don’t think these suggestions will enchance your chances of finding your soul mate, but they will keep people from viewing you as one more nut job. And if you do chance to meet someone who actually finds you interesting, you don’t want to screw it up by talking soul mates when they are thinking more on the lines of dinner and a movie.

It is always good to remember that some people, in fact a whole bunch of them, don’t even believe in soul mates. Some are less prone to believe their current romance is less fated by the cosmos than it was mandated by certain obsessions and a head full of demons. Many would meet the man or woman of their dreams and still want to check them out. There are more than a few people who rather than quest for a soul mate just want somebody with whom they get along. They just want someone they can talk to, go out with, have sex with, even if it is not for eternity but to get them through the night. More often than not, that is good enough.

HELLO, DOLLY, RECONSTITUTED

Sat, January 14th, 2006 - 12:46 pm - By Gordon Basichis

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We found this article on Yahoo a press release generated by Great Date Now, Inc.

Matchmaking, a centuries old practice of matching single people who have shared beliefs and common interests, has made a return! A modern day version of a matchmaker comes in the form of Great Date Now, Inc. which is a professional matchmaking service dedicated to bringing good people together, one great date at a time!…

Anyone who is single knows that the dating scene is tough! Personalized introductions from a matchmaker who cares is the preferred method of dating for today’s busy professional…

Former online daters and present clients of Great Date Now, Inc. say they are ready for a more sophisticated, personalized and efficient way to meet serious romantic partners and the best service to provide the dating opportunities is a professional matchmaker like Great Date Now, Inc.!

Hello, Dolly was the Broadway Show then movie based on Thornton Wilder’s “The Matchmaker.” It tells the tale of Dolly Levi, reputed matchmaker, and her secret yearnings for a romance of her own. Carol Channing played her on stage, and Barbra Streisand was Dolly in the film version. The stage musical was a major hit; the film a bit of a flop, given that the sixties were in full swing and Dolly was a little too quaint for that era. The centuries old legacy of matchmaking was shelved for another time. This is the time. Again. Because personal matchmaking is back. I must say, it makes a lot of sense.

In this era of advanced technology, psychographics and personality tests it is gratifying to see the artful practice of matchmaking has returned to us, albeit in a decidedly modern form. The matchmakers of today are reconstituted for a well worn tradition, and are today referred to as consultants. Then, today, who isn’t or doesn’t have a consultant? But I digress. Because it is in the modern age, where we have assumed science has rendered romance a more palpable activity, the new matchmaking sites have the requisite written tests and personal interviews.

Still, the updated traditional matchmaking process offers the welcome qualities of simplicity and intimacy. This is important and one of the major differences between matchmaking and online or even speed dating. Matchmakers, sorry, consultants, believe in the personal touch since it helps determine nuances among the applicants. By sitting down and actually talking to the aspiring romantics, the matchmaker will see if they are shy or awkward, if they stutter, slobber or if their palms start sweating when they draw within ten feet of the opposite sex. In other words, a good matchmaker relies on observation of the total human factor as opposed to mere answers on the page. A good matchmaker offers quality by handpicking each prospective paramour rather than laying out a couple dozen “possibilities.” With a matchmaker it is like the difference between buying at a knowledgeable boutique instead of self-service at the supermarket. If she is doing her job, and it is almost always a “she,” you get a quality candidate, someone in the proverbial ballpark, as opposed to another list of names.

I remember vaguely the couple of little old ladies my grandmother would point out to me as the matchmakers, and how they were part of a “dying breed.” Even as a kid I saw in their eyes the kind of perceptive ability that great coaches and managers have for sports and entertainment talent. These little old women could size up someone in seconds, ascertaining in their personalities the strong and weak points, the eccentricities and predilections and then go off and find someone fitting. They knew good matchmaking was about time and patience. It was about chemistry and understanding, not just understanding the “significant prospect” but understanding the mysteries and fate riddled impositions of life itself.

So now in our world of shorthand and short cuts, the failures of millions to find compatibility in that wild and wicked world of ours, we have returned to the venerable matchmaker. In a world where advanced communications systems and instant messaging have left ourselves where we began—out with the boys or home alone with the cat, a quart of ice cream and a couple of video DVD’s—we maybe realize the more we talk, the less we comprehend. In a world where everyone walks around with a telephone jammed in his ear, it becomes increasingly difficulty to filter the ingenuousness of a romantic entreaty from one more stupid line. After nine million email exchanges that have given us hope and then dashed them into futility, it is often hard to tell the prospects from the projects.

Many of us have had it up to here, buying so many new pairs of underwear for so many thankless dates they should list our names on a plaque in Victoria’s Secret or Neiman Marcus. We have anointed ourselves with perfume and cologne by the gallon, both foreign and domestic. We have gone to the gym, been waxed, wrapped and had so many makeovers and changeovers we have to consult our driver’s license to see who we really are. We have speed dated, slow danced and resorted to the kindness of strangers. And, finally, we are turning again to something so old it is new. The matchmaker.

Matchmakers are important because they refuse to abide by the status quo. If they are really good, they defy even acknowledging the so-called box, yet alone thinking inside or out of it. They have a feeling for what works. They are instant background checks all to themselves, knowing just who they are putting together. They use modern methods for running background checks, and they take the time to ask around about past loves and present endeavors. A true matchmaker in the tradition of Dolly Levi would scoff at the notion that marriages enjoy little more than a fifty-fifty chance of survival. A good matchmaker knows that leaving the toilet seat up isn’t credible grounds for divorce, anymore than cooking just like mom is necessarily an asset. A good matchmaker knows life and love with all its mysteries, and how relationships can grow, providing richer rewards over many years. Matchmakers have returned to us because like the relationships they arrange, they are built to last.

So…”Welcome back, Dolly…it’s so nice to have you back where you belong.”

Getting to Know You: It’s an Interactive Romantic Experience

Sun, January 1st, 2006 - 10:57 pm - By Gordon Basichis

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We recently saw an article on Corante most notable online dating blog, where writer, Dave Evans, proffered how the singles online dating sites would become more dynamic if they offered interactive opportunities. We are quoting Dave Evans from his intial article, about a new online dating service, called Vivox and some additional followup comments.

After a few months the online dating experience is getting tired. That’s why the average subscription length is 3 months. The initial thrill in on the wane. Besides the emotional exhaustion, there is nothing to do at most dating site besides stare at profiles.

No wonder less than one half of all singles uses online dating sites in the US….

What if you had more options for interacting with people on a dating site? What if dating became more like social networking?…

Dating sites don’t let people create enough custom content. A few tests and a paragraph about yourself aren’t enough anymore…

My point with Vivox is that they are creating new ways for people to communicate, new models of social interaction, and to some extent, create their own content. That is what has the power to bring online dating to the next level. It’s not the technology, in fact, I dislike the idea of yet another chat client, it’s that people will have new ways to connect with each other.

Since we really haven’t explored much on Vivox’s site, we can only assume they are bringing a new dynamic to online dating. What we are most concerned with are Dave Evan’s comments, which we believe articulate a certain problem with online dating. Sooner or later, online dating will actually mimic real life and the best way, usually, for couples to get to know each other is through greater interactivity. We believe greater interactivity in any form helps demonstrate a deeper vision of character and personality. It provides the necessary communications channels for intelligence, wit and sensitivity, and assists in giving each person a much better sense of their potential paramour.

This became relevant to us especially when a long time female friend of ours entered the world of online dating. She had been married fot twenty years and widowed for two. She finally decided to get her proverbial feet wet by joining one of the more reputable and notable online dating sites. Being a professional woman with a fair number of material assets, her own business, a child and a lot to lose in a bad relationship, her initial posting was fairly circumspect. Not a lot of self promotion and certainly no indication of the sexual yearnings she felt.

More than eighty men and several women responded to her initial posting. She was overwhelmed. Even after she dismissed the women urging her to try something new, another woman, and the younger men offering hours of boundless sex, she still found a dozen or so prospects she had weeded out from the pile. She dated a few. Being well read, highly articulate and most sophisticated, she put up with dull conversations, terrible hair pieces, garish fashion styles and crude offerings, along with fabrications about self and career and outright lies, before deciding to drop her membership and allow friends to fix her up with people they know. She discovered quickly that there were many men out there who would neither talk or walk a straight line.

The point is, had the online dating service provided more channels for interactivity, she wouldn’t have wasted a great deal of precious time. Had their been more room for an interchange and for greater expression, she would have been subjected less to the frustration of half dozen bad dates and been able to confront the greater realities of what was lurking out in the world. In the one case where she agreed to run a background check she discovered that the latest Mr. Wonderful wasn’t as financially solvent as he first let on. In fact, given his recent financial history it was safe to assume he was looking for for a merger or loan than for actual romance. One more case of a guy in a flashy car paying cash for dinner because his credit cards were maxed out.

So we refer you once again to David Edward’s comments and offer our own that internet dating is ultimately the same as the “brick and mortar version.” Quite simply, the more opportunities you have for communication, and the more you do so, then the better chance you have to really get to no some one. For good or for bad. And always remember: no matter how well you think you know someone, or how highly your friends recommend him, he is the stranger you are letting into your house. He will be close to your wallet and close to your kids. So check him out before you date him.

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