Month: December 2005

I am not the only one who has noticed single women are more aggressive come the holiday season. Friends of mine have also commented that the coy and subtle practice is transformed into an overt expression of desire. Just walk through the department stores or a hip supermarket in a singles neighborhood and you will find women staring harder and longer. Even their body language is different; they mostly stand and face you, inviting and awaiting your approach. They pull it back only when men show no sign of interest.

The single women at the cosmetics and beauty counters all but pounce on you as you go walking past. They wave skin conditioners and colognes you will never buy just so you will stop and talk. Even more reserved women will flirt openly and what they take for suggestively. Attractive women start conversations on the elevator, nervous their charms won’t work before you reach your floor.

I suppose nobody wants to be alone during the holiday season. Perhaps the Christmas spirit stirs up sexual desires coupled with the distaste for loneliness. For sure, few of us want to sit by ourselves on New Year’s Eve and watch Dick Clark or MTV bring in the New Year from distant places. All those candles, the incense, the eggnog, and the fireplace would seem to go to waste without someone to share them with you. Friends and family can only provide so much comfort, before you grab your coat and head back out into the cold, snowy weather or like us to the empty streets of West LA.

The holiday season works its charms on nearly all of us. We want to be intimate and it is a real let down when there is no one to be intimate with. I wouldn’t go as far to say that come holiday season most of us are desperate for companionship. But I would say this is the season when we are most vulnerable. If a soppy commercial can compel us to buy some sentimental piece of junk, we are just as capable of investing our emotions, given the right approach even from a less than perfect stranger.

You can’t change the world, and you sure can’t change what affects you during the holiday season. All we can do is try to be careful. At a time when you are feeling romantic and your guard is down, you can make the kind of mistake that will haunt you through the coming year and longer. There is no end to the amount of embarrassment and distress the wrong guy can cost you. The wrong man to warm the bed may go after your money or steal your identity. He doesn’t need much more than a chance to rifle through your wallet or to log on to your computer.

So if you should be lucky enough to meet somebody new, be careful. When Mr. Possible starts knocking your email or carrying your bags from the store, realize that con artists are awfully good at what they do. Realize, too, that your heart may be getting ahead of your head. Take a moment and spend a couple of bucks to run a background check on Mr. Christmas. It is one way to help to start the New Year without a major headache.

The following article ran in –USA TODAY-

Background checks split matchmaking sites
By Donna Leinwand, USA TODAY

A debate among online dating companies over whether their websites should be required to say whether they do criminal background checks on clients has spilled over into state legislatures, a reflection of the websites’ rising competitiveness.

True.com, a Dallas-based online dating service, started the ruckus in July 2004 when it began touting its criminal background checks and wrote proposed legislation that would force online dating sites to say whether they conduct such checks. The proposal has been considered by legislatures in California, Virginia, Ohio, Texas, Florida and Michigan, but none has passed it.

In Illinois, state Rep. John Bradley, D-Marion, says he is having a similar bill drafted that he intends to introduce in January. “It seems like a common-sense thing,” he says. “Internet dating isn’t the same as going out to a social gathering. You can meet a large number of people very quickly. There aren’t any types of precautions. … We have to do as much as we can to protect people from predators.”

True.com’s competitors, including Match.com, say the legislation is a marketing ploy designed to upstage them and boost True.com’s standing among singles’ websites. Match.com spokeswoman Kristin Kelly says the rest of the industry is “united against” background checks, in part because such checks often are incomplete and can give clients a false sense of security.

Such information is available from other Internet sites that specialize in offering background checks, Kelly says. “We just don’t think the checks are ready for prime time. The information contained in the system is incomplete.”

Her sentiments were echoed by the International Association of Dating websites, a group that represents more than 50 online dating services. It says that criminal background checks are too costly for most online services, and that True.com’s proposal unfairly singles out dating sites from other matchmaking services such as personal ads.

We at Corra see this running dispute as a battle between the Myth Makers and the Marketing Mavens. The Myth Makers have established websites where they offer you anything from a nice date to marital bliss. Online dating sites , as well as dating clubs, run personality profiles and compatibility tests to make sure your needs, wants and romantic proclivities align in the firmament of the dating universe. All this is to increase your chance of harmony in a secure and viable dating environment.

Once you sell this myth to your members it is most difficult to turn around and acknowledge that while we assure you of the possibility if not probability of a compatible mate, please be aware of the few creeps who snuck in under the radar and who may want to con you out of your money, steal your identity or do you or your children bodily harm. This is a reality check on the initial presentation and and a tough one for the thematic paradigm of harmony and compatibility. In other words, it’s damn difficult to offer “Here you will find the man or woman of your dreams, although he or she may be someone with a criminal record” and still keep the myth.

On the other hand the Marketing Mavens are pushing for state legislation that will mandate background checks for online dating clubs and websites. Once again someone with an agenda enlists a host of presumably well meaning do-gooders to protect the people from themselves. As in most cases when do-gooders try to mess with the natural order of things–which in the romantic arena translates into illogical choices and impulsive decisions–they often tend to make things worse.

Corra specializes in pre-employment and online dating and singles dating background checks. We believe in this day and age it is necessary. We especially believe it’s the case if you are a professional woman with material assets and something to lose. It is, after all, common sense to spend a few bucks to protect yourself from one of the mutltitude of creeps out there who finds his way to your email address and now wants into your house. But this, we believe, all comes under the category of common sense. Corra does not believe background checks should be mandated into law. Instead of imposing new laws that often don’t work or are difficult to enforce, we should be instilling in singles at least a modicum of reality. Education builds a smarter society, where with new laws they often just add to the confusion. Give people the facts, and then let them decide for themselves.